Banal Fixation
Then He Kissed Me!
Ok, now I must include the best getting ready for a date scene from an 80’s movie. Elisabeth Shue in “Adventures in Babysitting” getting ready for the best night of her life with… Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman!). What? I know. But aren’t they supposed to be in high school? Of course. Why is he trying so hard to do his best Dylan McKay impression when 90210 won’t be on for another 5 years?? I don’t know. Then after all the getting ready, and Bradley Whitford doing his sexy-guy face he goes on to stand her up! But all works out! And she ends up making out with the the dreamy fiance from “Father of the Bride!” This below is of course a most faithful reenaction of what it is like to get ready for a date, missing only pre-partying to the Notebook, and of course doing an “If They Mated” photo collage of what future offspring would look like. Enjoy!Moonstruck
I love this scene so much. If you have to, you can fast-forward through the first two minutes where she is getting ready for the date. (though that’s what it’s like, ok? well, i usually don’t have wine first. but playing with your shoes and trying on your dress in front of the mirror, yes.) Then they walk back to his place and Nicholas Cage says this on the street:Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is,
and I didnt know this either, but love dont make things nice - it
ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We
arent here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The
stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves
and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The
storybooks are bullshit. Now I want you to come upstairs with me
and get in my bed!- John Patrick Shanley
Just got bangs!
I just got bangs last night! I have been dabbling in a sidebang for years - but this is the first time I have a full on bang. I was a bit worried, but now really like it. However, am paranoid of course.
This is who I want to look like with bangs: Zooey Deschanel, 
and Jenny Lewis, 
This is who I am hugely afraid of looking like if I am not diligent about blowdrying/hair products:
Mo from the Three Stooges, 
and of course Lloyd Christmas - 
Here’s hoping…
Fw: New! Smokin' Hot Meat & Potatoes
Below is a very typical email I received from my Mom just now. There are many notable elements when broken down illustrating exactly why I am, in fact, the way that I am.
1. Receiving an email with “Smokin’ Hot Meat” in the subject title from my 58-year old Mother does not make me flinch at all. Whereas you might assume your Mom’s email account has been hacked, my first thought is “Of course! Mom must be on a smoked meats mailing list. This sounds about right…”
2. I am 0% surprised my Mom is on a mailing list for Famous Dave’s, a semi-popular Midwestern chain of ribs restaurants - which has now, God help us all, opened their newest location in New York’s very own Times Square. If you happen to run into my parents and myself roaming the streets you should know that we are either on our way or returning from a visit to Famous Dave’s. This will be easy to ascertain due to my parents inversely proportionate amount of either exhuberance and and happiness to be in NY and with their daughters! (en route to Famous Dave’s) Or haggardness/ generally taciturn demeanor. (post-Famous Dave’s)
3. The final point of subtext in this email is that my Mom genuinely thinks I would like to put that Bachelor of Fine Arts to good use (kill meeee) and create a short film about, wait for it, a new menu item at the middling chain restaurant my parents frequent in order for a shot at the gold! Sundance? Better. Acclaim from the entertainment industry I have been longing to be a part of since my first Tampax commercial audition in 2003? Of course not. Street cred? Hardly. Much, much better.
A shot at $1000 US. And of course the pride my parents will feel when the next time they set foot at their local Famous Dave’s a new dialogue occurs:
Poor, Famous Dave’s Hostess: [monotone] Hello, and welcome to Famous Dave’s.
My Dad: Hi, I’m Famous Ed. My wife and I would like a table for two.
My Mom: Oh, ha!! Ed!!! HA! [shaking head as if to think, “How DID I get so lucky all those years ago at that early-70s Jewish temple dance!]
Poor, Famous Dave’s Hostess: ………… Ok. Well I can show you to your table then.
(AND NOW NEW DIALOGUE BELOW:)
My Dad: Great. You know our Michie won your ribs filmmaking contest!
Poor, Famous Dave’s Hostess: ………………
My Mom: Yep, she sure did! I sent her the email! We are so proud!
My Dad: I am just going to cry all over my ribs. But first can you bring me a huge Diet Coke with a stack of napkins this thick.
FINIS.
Ok, I just have something in both my eyes now… Lemme know if anyone has any meat/potatos/corn DP experience - just email me, thanks guys…
————— Forwarded message —————
From: Mom
Date: Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 9:27 AM
Subject: Fw: New! Smokin’ Hot Meat & Potatoes
From: Mom
Date: Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 9:27 AM
Subject: Fw: New! Smokin’ Hot Meat & Potatoes
| Hi Michie, Here’s a chance to win $1000 for doing a short film for Dave’s! Just thought I’d let you know. Love, Mom—- On Tue, 9/29/09, Famous Dave’s <Famous_Daves@famousdaves.fishbowl.com> wrote:
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Gary Liu = Wilt Chamberlain of Posterous
It has recently been brought to my attention that one of my favorite photographs of all time - i.e. Gary Liu and his err, Pants - has been viewed on the internet almost 35,000 times. That is incredible.
Hey, I’m gonna go grab a beer, want one Gary? No? Ok, what about the bulge? He’s set? Ok cool. See you boys later…
Gary Liu = Wilt Chamberlain of Posterous
It has recently come to my attention that one of my favorite photographs of all time - i.e. Gary Liu and his err, Pants - have been viewed on the internet almost 35,000 times. That is incredible.
Hey, I’m gonna go grab a beer, want one Gary? No? Ok, what about the bulge? He’s set? Ok cool. See you boys later…
Top 3 Reasons Why I Will Never Be Able to Have Sex Again
This has been a banner week of boner-killing revelations and images. It would take a lot of emotionally intense conversations/asking questions about my life/making me laugh (keys to the city boys!) to recover from this. Behold:
1. Mackenzie Phillips + John Phillips revelation. Let’s not ruin this with words.
2. This article about Bernie + Ruth Madoff this morning (via NY Magazine), “In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Ross related the following information about Bernie and Ruth’s behavior while the Ponzi-schemer was being held on house arrest:“Some of the times they walked around naked, Bernie and Ruth, there were surveillance cameras there. They had to be told. “Remember, we can see you.”
Why do I keep reading articles in which I have to imagine Bernie Madoff’s schmeckel? Not good.
3. Peggy Olson + Duck Phillips. Hermes her? I hardly know her.
“I want to take you into that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed and give you a go-around like you’ve never had”
Would that he were bedless, clothesless, and toothless.
I'm Moe Greene! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!
My Man (President Barack Obama) is back in New York. What’s on the agenda? Taking in a show? Grabbing a slice? Seeing one of his friends perform in an Off-Off-Off-Off Broadway revue of “It Ain’t Me Babe: The Bob Dylan Spectacular!”
No.
While I have been deliberating on whether I should make myself a cup of coffee in order to be more productive, Barack Obama has been solving conflict in the Middle East. That’s right. 30 minutes with PM Netanyahu, 30 Minutes with Pres Abbas, then ONE HOUR AND 45 MINUTES to broker a peace. ALL BEFORE LUNCHTIME.
